Going Stong Since 1953
THE CYBERSHUL

How Much Greener Can A Paperless Shul Be!

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This Week’s Torah Reading

Pekudei

PekuDEI means "records" and refers to the "books" kept on the construction of the mishKAN [tabernacle or portable sanctuary of the Children of Israel] and all its paraphernalia. The mishKAN’s construction required 29 talents of gold, 100 talents of silver, and 70 talents of copper. That’s a lot of talent! One estimate puts a talent or kiKAR at about 76 pounds. The blue, purple and crimson yarns, and the fine linen are given no weight, but the items requiring their use are enumerated. The twelve precious stones symbolizing the twelve tribes and used in the HOshen [the priest’s breast plate] are enumerated. When construction was completed, the people brought it all to Moses who blesses the people on a job very well done. In the first month of the second year during their desert journey, the mishKAN was set up and consecrated with the sprinkling of special oil. Moses placed the Ten Commandments in the ark and the other furnishings in their proper place. A cloud lay over the mishKAN by day and a fire by night, visible to all the Israelites, all the time. When the cloud moved, the Israelites move too.

A SHABBAT THOUGHT

An error is not a mistake until you refuse to correct it.

~~ Anonymous ~~

AN URGENT REQUEST

www.giftforlisa.com

Lisa Gershowitz Flynn, a mother of a five and three year old, has leukemia and is urgently seeking a donor match for a bone marrow or stem cell transplant. You could be the one!

On Sunday, March 16, 2008 between 11:30 am and 3:00 pm, there will be a bone marrow drive at the Forest Hills Jewish Center (address and phone number in the footer below) in the Heller Ballroom. It only takes a few minutes and is completely non-invasive (fill out a form and give a swab from your cheek). If you’re not the match, you’ll be placed on a national registry.

If you have any questions please e-mail Gary Emmanuel at gemmanuel@reitlerbrown.com ,or Pearl Buitron at pbuitron@related.com

ever wonder what united jewish communities (aka: the federation) does? This is what it does—

United Jewish Communities/the Federations of North America this week allocated more than $3 million in new aid for the embattled Sderot region in southern Israel, which remains under fire from daily missile attacks. The latest aid means the continental UJC/Federation system, including Canada, has provided more than $21 million for the region's needs to date.

LET’S GET READY FOR PURIM!

(www.pizzaIDF.org)

This website lets you send mishloakh manot (food gifts) to soldiers in Israel; also this year you can send to families in Sderot as well. They all need our support and what better way to thank them and support them than by remembering them.

THE WAY HEZBOLLAH SEES IT…

"We are going to win, because they [Israelis] love life and we love death."
Hassan Nasrallah, the leader of Hezbollah.

WEB OF THE WEEK

hhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONsoAz7zwiQ

A U-Tube presentation on the Masorti Movement—Our Conservative Movement in Israel! Very well done!

AURAL TORAH
When It's Difficult to be Happy...

Honor A Loved One

Remember A Loved One
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MOURNING A STILLBORN

Dear CyberRav,

Just recently my daughter-in-law's pregnant sister lost her baby to fetal demise. It seems that the umbilical cord got tangled. The baby was at 34 weeks and had to be taken by cesarean section. You should know that the young woman was at extremely high risk during this pregnancy and was hospitalized and being monitored for the past six weeks so there was incredible stress all along. Of course the couple is going to bury the baby. But they are also intent on sitting shivah. This absolutely breaks my heart. To add to the sadness of losing a baby after carrying it for so long under such stressful circumstances, sitting shivah in my mind seems an unbearable burden. I know shivah is supposed to help in the grieving process, with family and friends comforting the bereaved, usually talking about the value of the life lost. But this was an unborn baby whom no one got to know and whose life was highly anticipated to bring joy. Therefore the sadness of the couple's loss in my mind would only be deepened by sitting shivah and talking about it. Is sitting shivah then necessary? What does Jewish law say?

A Saddened Heart

THE ANSWER

Dear A Saddened Heart,

First of all, my condolences to you and to your family on what is most certainly a heart-wrenching loss. This could not have been easy on anyone, especially the parents.

You raise an important and emotional question about the appropriate response to loss, where the loss is not regarded, certainly from a Jewish perspective, as a human being. For centuries, no shivah would have been observed where a baby was stillborn. And to round out that picture, no shivah would have been observed if the baby was born alive but survived no more than 31 days. The tradition set limits as to when mourning is mandated given the frequency of neonatal death lest people find themselves in mourning repeatedly over their lifetime.

The advances in medical technology in modern times have significantly enhanced the viability of premature babies and have allowed us to save or treat the otherwise vulnerable, even in utero. Neonatal deaths have plummeted in western cultures, though when they do occur--as they inevitably will--the exceptional nature of the event makes the loss even more difficult to take. Moreover, mothers in the 21st century tend to have a much more intimate relationship with their fetus than mothers in the past. They have probably seen the baby on a sonogram, listened to the baby's heart beat, consulted with their doctor numerous times on the baby's health, etc. This is especially true of women involved in high risk pregnancies who have spent extended time in the hospital or frequently consulted their doctors.

All this points to the fact that sometimes, the baby is not, as you write, "an unborn baby whom no one got to know." In some cases, the baby has been very well known to the parents, rendering the loss particularly painful. And this is something we have to keep in mind.

Although I would discourage shivah, since the baby was not regarded as a human being at birth, I would nevertheless be hard-pressed to deny all forms of mourning if they would in anyway help the parents cope with so serious a loss. I might recommend having the family gather at someone's home following the funeral, encourage the parents to take some time off of work, welcome them at synagogue for prayer and maybe even for kaddish if they so chose. In other words, without creating a full-fledged shivah, it is important for family and the community to recognize and acknowledge the powerful loss of a fetus in its 34th week. I think naming such a baby would be a good thing to do. I think giving to tzedakah is even better to do, or planting a tree somewhere--the back yard?--in memory of the baby.

What might be a burden to one person could very well be a life-saver to another. We have to be careful to not project our own feelings or sentiments onto others. You bring up a case where we have to listen to the grieving parents and craft a ritual of healing specific to their loss and their needs.

Be well--

Shabbat Shalom Everyone!!

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