Midway Jewish Center
56 Years Young: 1953-2009 !
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This Week’s Torah Reading

Matot

Anyone who takes a vow must fulfill it. This rule holds true for a woman, the Torah clarifies, though her father or husband may, under limited circumstances, cancel the vow. The Israelites defeat the Midianites in battle. The Israelites slew their kings, killed the wicked wizard Balaam, took many women and children captive, and obtained much spoil. Because of the soldiers’ contact with corpses, they had to purify themselves and all the garments and utensils with which they had contact. The spoils of war were evenly divided—half to the soldiers and half to the people. 1/500th of the army’s share was given to Eliezer, the koHEN gaDOL (High Priest), and 1/50th of the civilians’ share went to the Levites. The tribe of Reuben and Gad, owning much cattle, asked Moses if they could settle in an area that would today approximate a major part of Jordan—an area suited for flocks and cattle. But Moses felt that all the tribes should cross the Jordan in order to conquer the land. Reuben and Gad agreed to join in battle until all were settled, and only then return to their families.

Masei

A 40-year travel itinerary is recorded for us. We learn that Aharon died at the age of 123. The Israelites are instructed to take over the land of Canaan and destroy all the idols. The land should be divided up by lot, with larger territorial grants going to the larger tribes. Israel’s borders are expansively defined, and thus point to a political entity that may never have existed. Much attention is given the laws of homicide since this act, more than any other, pollutes the very earth and can actually drive God away. In the Biblical world, any act of homicide, even one committed by accident, may be avenged by the nearest of kin with impunity. Very strange! The Torah is clearly uncomfortable with this and thus establishes six aREI mikLAT or cities of refuge for acquitted manslayers, offering them ultimate protection from the aggrieved parties. But the innocents are protected as long as they remain within the city or until such time when the koHEN gaDOL dies (after which they may leave the cities without fear of reprisals). The cities are primarily occupied by Levites, who have also been given 42 other towns in which to reside and tend to their animals. But the Torah tries to reign in the passions of those who would avenge the death of loved ones by codifying these rules: 1) the murderer alone is put to death, no substitutes; 2) intention is key so one who has killed accidentally is free of the death penalty; 3) there is no ransom for a convicted murderer; 4) courts, not families, determine guilt and innocence; and 5) a convicted murderer is put to death by the dead person’s next of kin. Finally, we hear that the daughters of Tzelofhad marry nice Jewish boys from their own tribe (Mazal Tov!), and thus the land Moses granted them remains in the tribe forever.

A Shabbat Thought

The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are.

~~ John Burroughs ~~

Web Of The Week

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B37Mp6mhs3A

During the three weeks leading up to Tishah B’av, we think about our connections to Jerusalem and especially the Beit Hamikdash, the holy Temple that was destroyed. Take a little trip through the Jerusalem of the Second Temple period and the Temple itself with some great klezmer playing in the background.

Aural Torah

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WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BAR MITZVAH BOY? 

Dear Cyber Rav,

My son is extremely shy. He is typically quiet in general, but when he gets into a crowd, he shuts down, PERIOD. In school, his teachers know not to call on him to recite anything before the class. He’s not dumb. Thank God—his grades are the best in the class. But he is saddled with a shyness that gets in the way of his socialization. My husband and I are working on it together with a therapist.

The thought of a Bar Mitzvah terrifies him. We went to a cousin’s Bar Mitzvah recently in New Jersey and he turned to me at one point and whispered “I don’t have to do this—do I?” The look on his face was the picture of extreme anxiety. It breaks my heart.

What do we do? He’s 10, soon to be 11. We have a date, naturally, for the reception and what Jewish kid hasn’t had a Bar Mitzvah? Ours may be the first. Can we have a Bar Mitzvah in our living room with just my husband and myself, my daughter and a rabbi?

When I was a kid, I actually went to a synagogue that was set up in the rabbi’s living room, and the kiddush was in the dining room. It was pretty cool, but that synagogue doesn’t exist any more and it wouldn’t have resolved your problem. Let’s think this through a bit.

First of all, tell your rabbi about the situation and I’m sure he (she?) will agree that if, two years from now, a public ceremony would be traumatic for your son, then a public Bar Mitzvah will simply be out of the question. Does that mean your son will never become Bar Mitzvah? No, and that’s a no for two reasons. First, he will still become Bar Mitzvah at the age of 13 years and one day precisely because Bar Mitzvah is a status that is automatic. It happens, whether we like it or not. So many people, over the years, have told me that they are not Bar Mitzvah because they never had a ceremony. I tell them—not really. You are Bar Mitzvah; it’s automatic.

Secondly, whose to say that your son, at the age of 14 or 15 or 16, might not have a change of heart and want a ceremony at that time? That can be done and it has been done. The Bar Mitzvah ceremony is simply a milestone, and not everyone runs this course of life at the same speed.

We should also keep in mind that we may be worried now about a problem that will not exist two years from now. I am glad your son is working with a therapist. We don’t want extreme shyness to interfere with the rest of his life—socially, intellectually, or professionally. Bar Mitzvah, in this light, is the least of our worries.

Finally, just to keep all of this in perspective, a Bar Mitzvah is a lovely ceremony, but hardly the point of a Jewish education. Imagine how much money I could save families if I could convince them to give up the $50,000 reception in favor of Religious School tuition through the twelfth grade. That’s what is really important. By giving your son a Jewish education, both he and you are doing your job. As for a small Bar Mitzvah in the living room, well—that’s up to you. But remember that even in that case, the Torah is generally not read without a minyan.

Celebrate his coming of age at 13, and then when he is ready to come before the congregation, as I’m sure eventually he will be, I’m equally sure that the rabbi will be ready to call him to the Torah if not encourage him to do even more.

Rabbi Rafi Rank
CyberRav

Shabbat Shalom Everyone!!

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